Letting Go

July 28, 2013

There comes a time in our life as parents that we have to cut the apron strings and let our children soar on their own. No matter what our fears are and no matter how unprepared we may feel that our children are to face the world on their own.

For the last couple of days, I have been brewing over these feelings and realizing that even though I have tried to prepare my precious daughter to face responsibility, all I have really done in the last six years is to make her feel that she is entitled to step over my feelings with no regard to the re-precautions of her statements. I have enabled behaviors, rescued her more than once and let her trampled all over my feelings.

Marie represents the best of me and at the same time, the worst in me. She is that person that you encounter in your life that makes you feel that you are special, people gravitate to her as moths do to light. She is funny, witty, engaging, sarcastic, and has a heart of gold. She can capture an audience as few people can. She makes friends no matter where she goes. But at the same time, she is stubborn, pigheaded and her command of the English language can cut you to the core. She speaks her mind and has no trouble whatsoever if what she says to you is insensitive, hurtful or insulting.  

The comments that she made to me are really irrelevant to this post. But it made me realize that it is time for her to move in with her boyfriend of seven years and see what happens. But this is when the maternal, overprotective and enabler personality in me comes out. I see the pitfalls that she can't, wont or refuses to accept. I know that she will stick it out as long as he can, since not one of her close friends consider this to be a good match. As much as Marie is compassionate and thoughtful, he is a miser and expects her to pay half of all the expenses of the maintenance of the apartment, including rent. This young man is currently earning in the high $80,000 range and even if Marie achieves to get hired at the company that she worked before at the salary she is requesting, it will be half the amount of his take home pay. If this was a roommate agreement, I guess that I would be ok with it. But this her boyfriend that wants her to live with him. Shouldn't he be making it as easy for her to be able to pay back her loans (she owes her grandfather over $23,000 and he expects be paid back). And if he is asking her to move in with him, should he be covering the major expenses. He has been doing OK on his own making the monthly bills without her financial contribution.

But, I guess, what threw me for a loop, is that I mentioned that I will be requesting a loan from my father in law in order to get the major repairs that the natives have caused in this house over the last year, with a full repayment plan in place. She threw a shit fit and said that she would be able to help in order to help with the repairs. But then again, to this day, I am waiting for her to pay me back for all the times I have bailed her out in the last few years. She owes me over $7,000 for various items. I had to pay her car insurance in February because she got in a car accident with no insurance and I had to add her to the my policy. So the money I had saved for the summer camps for the boys went out the window again. Every single time, I have come to the rescue, been her solid rock and always the boys are the ones that pay the price for her mistakes.

She also informed me that she would only be taking the queen mattress in her room and not the complete set of bedroom furniture. In the email that I intend to send, to her, I will let her know that I am not her storage unit, and that anything that is left behind, will become my property. (Guess the golden oak does not match his contemporary style that he wants). There are over 40 boxes in the basement storage area that she better decide what she will do with.

As much as I do know that this is not the right decision for her, she is a grown woman and it is time for her to find out what it is like to live with him. I do know that this home is not the right place for her to live any longer, but I do not know whether moving in with him will ultimately be in her best interest.

But she has to learn. My job as her mother, protector and ally is done. But, what I don't think that at this point she realizes that not only has she burned the bridge between us, there is no way to put this bridge back together. 

I will always love her and she will never know the depth of my love that I have to her. Because not only is she is my daughter, she constantly remind me of a time of my life, when I was truly, utterly happy. Even though, she was way to young to have any memories of the times that Herbert and I spent together.

So fly high, my precious one, and may all your dreams come true.